COOKIE MONSTER
Oh hello, this Alistair Cookie here for Monsterpiece Theater. Tonight another episode in mystery. About a monster trying to guess a town's secret. A town called ...
A dramatic music piece is played, da-dum.
COOKIE MONSTER
... Twin Beaks. Oh, excuse me.
COOKIE MONSTER runs off the stage.
The scene is now a diner, we FOCUS on a booth with a piece of pie on a red-checkered table-cloth. COOKIE MONSTER enters the diner and spies the said pie. Twin Peaks music softly plays in background.
COOKIE MONSTER
Oh-ho! Pie ... oh-ho.
COOKIE MONSTER speaks into a hand-held mini-tape recorder.
COOKIE MONSTER
Diane, this Agent Cookie reporting. Me in town called Twin Beaks.
COOKIE MONSTER sits down at the booth with the pie and looks around the diner.
COOKIE MONSTER
Darn fine town ... (devours the pie) Darn fine pie! (devours the plate) Darn fine plate too. Diane, there is one thing me no can find out. Why town called Twin Beaks? Me begin asking questions. Asking questions best way to find out something.
A WAITRESS, a bird with orange feathers, appears with her back to us.
WAITRESS
Anything else I can get you?
COOKIE MONSTER
Oh-ho, hello, yes! You can get me some answers.
WAITRESS
What was the question?
COOKIE MONSTER
Me want to know why town is called Twin Beaks.
Dramatic music plays as the WAITRESS turns to face us. Instead of one beak she has ... two beaks! (The effect is one of having split her beak down the middle.)
WAITRESS
Hey I don't bud into your business do I? Stay out of mine!
The WAITRESS quickly walks away.
COOKIE MONSTER
That not darn fine answer!
Disappointed, COOKIE MONSTER sighs and then gets out of the booth and walks towards the next table.
COOKIE MONSTER
Me got to ask more people more questions.
Seated with their backs to us, COOKIE MONSTER speaks to TWO BIRDS at the next table.
COOKIE MONSTER
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Me Special Agent Cookie.
FIRST BIRD
I'm Finch, David Finch
COOKIE MONSTER
David Finch, good me like bird who know his own name. Me have question. Why this town called Twin Beaks?
Dramatic music plays. COOKIE MONSTER looks around for the source of the music. With his back to us, DAVID FINCH gets up from the table.
DAVID FINCH
I'll see you later.
DAVID FINCH turns to face us and we see that he also has two beaks?!
DAVID FINCH
Laura.
DAVID FINCH walks away. The second bird at the table stands up, its LAURA.
LAURA
Oh well, gotta fly.
COOKIE MONSTER
Wait, wait, wait ... you no can give me teensy-tinesy hint?
LAURA
(into COOKIE MONSTER'S ear) It's called Twin Beaks because ...
DAVID FINCH
Come on!
LAURA
Gotta go!
COOKIE MONSTER
Please oh please, please, please ...
LAURA
Ask the Log Bird.
COOKIE MONSTER
The Log Bird?
DAVID FINCH
You coming or what?
LAURA
(turns to face us) Yes.
LAURA leaves with DAVID FINCH.
COOKIE MONSTER
This town gets stranger and stranger. Okay! Me look for Log Bird. Hmmm ...
COOKIE MONSTER looks around, we PAN to the door as the music builds. The door opens and in walks a small yellowish bird carrying a log.
LOG BIRD
Who's looking for me?
COOKIE MONSTER
Oh, me, me, me, me. (points at each item as he says) Log ... Bird ... oh-ho ... Log Bird! Me look for you.
LOG BIRD
What's on your mind?
COOKIE MONSTER
Me want to ask you one simple question. Why this town called Twin Beaks?
LOG BIRD
Let me ask.
COOKIE MONSTER
No, no, no, no. Me asking questions that's how me find out things.
LOG BIRD
Let me ask my log. Do you know why this town is called Twin Beaks?
The LOG is turned over and the LOG'S face is uncovered.
THE LOG
How should I know? I'm a log!
COOKIE MONSTER
Ho-ha! A talking log!
The LOG BIRD starts backing COOKIE MONSTER into the diner counter.
LOG BIRD
That's right a talking log! A log that doesn't like to be laughed at! (to the LOG) Come on let's get out of here.
The LOG BIRD leaves as COOKIE MONSTER says ...
COOKIE MONSTER
Sorry!
Standing next to an eavesdropping WAITER BIRD wiping up at the counter, COOKIE MONSTER speaks into the mini-tape recorder.
COOKIE MONSTER
Diane, me hurt a log's feelings today and me no closer to finding out why they call this place Twin Beaks. But! Me did notice one thing very interesting about the birds in this town. They all have two beaks!
The WAITER BIRD looks up in shock and quickly leaves.
COOKIE MONSTER
But they no like to talk, oh well.
COOKIE MONSTER spots a pie on the counter.
COOKIE MONSTER
Time for more of this great pie!
COOKIE MONSTER picks up the pie and leaves.
COOKIE MONSTER
Let's go Diane.
Monsterpiece Theater sets as COOKIE MONSTER rushes on and sits down.
COOKIE MONSTER
And that concludes Twin Beaks. Darn fine story ...
COOKIE MONSTER cocks his head and poses.
COOKIE MONSTER
... darn fine actor and ...
COOKIE MONSTER picks up a pie from out of sightline and devours it.
COOKIE MONSTER
... darn fine pie. This Alistair Cookie for Monsterpiece Theater.
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Sesame Street, Monsterpiece Theater: Twin Beaks.